The Tryon Archives 1998
Stories and more from the Tryon News Report

Warren Wins Tryon Super Bowl.......Spanks Tammi 107-91

12/31 *  The Phighting Phalanx held on to defeat the Men Among Boys 107-91, despite a furious second half comeback where Tammi's team out scored the Phalanx 61-57.  It was too little, too late for the Cinderella Men.   The Phighting Phalanx were given up for dead after being in the cellar the first month of the season.  A stern pep talk, superior coaching and the luck of the Gods helped the Phalanx make the playoffs by a single point.  Then, like  a scene from the movie 100 Spartans, the Phalanx stood their ground and defeated the highly favored (Turks) ehh,  Mighty Midgets (Danny and Aaron) 140-86 to set up the dream final with Tammi.  Close, but no cigar (sorry Monica) for the Men Among Boys, but where were the real talkers?????  The BV boys finished LAST and almost LAST!!!!   Brett (last year's champ) had to fight and claw just to stay out of the humiliating cellar position...now occupied by Tyler.  Dale's Headhunters rallied for 3rd place as the stunned Midgets wilted 142-104.  Great season and lots of laughs, now........ where is the NBA????

Larry Found On All Fours "Praying" In The Women's Restroom At Church !!!!

12/25 *  Was he moved too much by the service??? ........Was it too much prune cake earlier in the day???.... Did Jan lose the car keys and Larry was just looking for them ???? ........... Is this more dirt being dug up by Larry Flynt? (the new White House operative).......... Nope, it was just Larry getting into another predicament that HE caused.......The story goes something like this..........At the Christmas eve church service, Larry was holding Zach and of course pinching him to make him fuss, so Larry  would have to take him out..... (It's an old Tryon trick, perfected back in the fifties by brother Ray with little Tommie and Jack).......Nicole decides to follow "the boys" to watch the action.......Out in the hallway, Nicole decides SHE has to go to the bathroom.  Grandpa leads her to the women's  bathroom, with Zach......She tries to go by herself, but after a few minutes,  Grandpa hears her crying inside.....  He decides he has to go into the women's bathroom to help......When Larry goes inside, he discovers that Nicole needs help pulling up her tights and has dropped her Christmas Eve candle in the toilet.  Ol' Grandpa has to help with her tights, then fish out the candle....Yuck !!!!........Tim comes in to find them all in the bathroom with LARRY ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES "praying" with his head in the stool  !!!   Believe It Or Not !!! How embarrassing!!  Lucky it was just Tim, instead of some woman-in-a-hurry.......Needless to say, they had a little trouble lighting that Christmas candle and it did give off a little different glow than the others...........A photo of this incident may appear later...... (this story was leaked to the press by a source that wishes to remain anonymous)   You too can become a Tryon News Hound by e-mailing this publication with news that is worthy to print.  Remember, we want the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help us William Jefferson Clinton.

Coach Dan McCarney (ISU) Buys Lab From Randy's Puppy Mill

12/22 *  Randy, one of the top salesmen in the family, (he once sold his outdated satelite dish to a Vietnamese family that couldn't speak English)  just sold a white labrador puppy to the Head Football Coach At Iowa State, Dan McCarney !!!  They will pick the puppy up over the holidays.  Randy is a BIG Iowa Hawkeye fan, but he had to eat a little crow, beings ISU stomped the Hawks earlier this fall.  RT looks at this as being a big advertising opportunity, but can you imagine how jealous the REAL ISU fans (Julie/Brad) are that Randy and Marjean got to spend some quality time with the coach and his wife? (Hey, is he buying this dog to keep the wolves away?)

President Clinton's Cat (Socks) Dies Suddenly !!!

12/21 *  That's rights........the Clinton's cat died suddenly yesterday when it jumped up on Hillary's lap and FROZE TO DEATH !!!!      ..............Believe It Or Not !!

Wild Nancy Is Detained By Security Guards

12/16 *  You don't get between Nancy and a good sale or a day of shopping.  Just ask Barney Fife, the crack security guard at a Council Bluffs mall shopping area......Seems like Nancy created quite a spectacle of herself when she was stopped at a check out counter when an alarm rang.  Everyone in the store stopped and stared when Nancy was mobbed by six or seven security guards on her way out of the store.   She was forced to empty everything from her purse.  What an embarrassment !!!!   Things like a lottery ticket from 1977, a package of wart removers, a Tammy Fae Baker make-up kit, a bottle of Fenn-fenn diet pills, an old Reggie Jackson baseball card, finger nail polish the color of Dick's old carpet (olive green), a football program of ISU's last home victory (1981), a rusty curling iron, a pamphlet on hot tub hygiene, melted peppermint candies (given to her by Dorothy), one of Frisco's deposits wrapped in a kleenex, breath mints left over from the Glidden Centenniel (1968), a ticket stub to an Elvis concert, a note from her administrator telling her to settle down during EHK basketball games, a Christmas card of Dale/Janet and Jodie (the others wern't born yet) and  one of Warren's remote controls that she was hiding from him.  (This was just the side pocket to her purse) Yes, it was quite a sight.  Most had never seen anything like it. Some people thought these were collectibles and the store was starting a promotion.   Well, the guards could not figure out what made the alarm go off, so she had to go through the detectors again.  The alarm blasted away again.   The security people were just about ready to start a "strip search" when Nancy screamed, "Listen Pee Wee!! If you think Janet Reno is scary, then you haven't seen me riled up!!!!  I came to shop and you are SLOWING ME DOWN......SO BEAT IT"  She then lowered her shoulder and went right over the top of Barney Fife.   You don't want to get between Nancy and a day of shopping!!! Later, they figured the alarm went off because Nancy was carrying so many credit cards that the bar codes made the machine malfunction....Believe It Or Not !!

Sap Of The Month Announced

12/9*  The ballots were cast for the this month's winner and it is ...............Brad !!!!!  That't right, the future New York Yankee, ISU grad and resident of Sleepy Hollow is December's winner of this long standing, prestigious, family award.   (Hey, isn't he a former winner?)  This reporter has learned that this past weekend Brad was drilling a hole near his fireplace to run his cable to the other room.  (Hey, isn't that illegal?)  HE DRILLED RIGHT THROUGH A WATER PIPE !!!!  Sap, Sap, Sap........Water gushed everywhere......Even all over their new ISU room in the basement.  Panic set in when his beloved Christmas lights started flickering.  After hours of trying to stop the water the crisis was over.......Well, at least until the next day when Julie was showering and Brad had to hold his finger in the hole........(What was that?!!?!?!?)  Showering together again????   I thought the honeymoon was over or are we just celebrating the ISU win over Drake????  Rumor is that Julie never had such a long shower.  More details when the kids go to bed................Man, is that embarassing. We all should be able to get more details from Julie during Christmas.

Brett Leads The Fighting Danes To 2 Straight
* 12/7...Brett scored 35 in the opener and a career high 42 in the second game to lead the Danes to two straight basketball  victories over Guthrie Center
and Treynor.  Elk Horn is ranked 10th in the state.  Beth   (9th grader) is seeing some varsity action at Elk Horn , so get there early if you want to watch them play.

Believe It Or Not !!!

12/5......Bill just celebrated his 69th birthday a few days ago......Believe It Or Not!!!!!

*Janet is picked up speeding past Hilton Colliseum in Ames.  The cop just gives her a warning, because he played football for Dale at Audubon......Believe It Or Not!!!!

*Brad's neighbor called and said he admired the Christmas lights Brad put on his house sooooooo much, that he would like to have something similar on his.  Could Brad put them up for him, he said he was afraid of heights and he also couldn't pay anything.  Brad said OK.  Now everyone in the neighborhood has been calling.   Believe It Or Not????

*  ....Chad recently finished 4th in a pie baking contest in Norwalk.  (3 old ladies and Chad entered) Gees, what a disappointment this younger generation is becoming.  First Tyler goes out for the Buena Vista (all girl) drill team and now Chad is flirting with these senior citizens.   An indentity crisis???  Is cross dressing next????  Can Marilyn Manson and body piercing be far away?????  Believe It Or Not?????

*  ......A family member's wife just refinished the basement (wood flooring, wall paper, painting etc) and she told her husband to get the hell out of the way.  "Isn't there a football game you have to watch??"   Believe It Or Not????

*.......Tammi and Todd won the annual hearts tournament.....Did Tammi even play every hand???? Can Todd even add up his score right?? He's a BV student you know........Believe It Or Not?????

*  Bill predicted that Clinton will NOT be impeached by the House of Reps.  (kiss of death, boy is Clinton in trouble now)   Bill hasn't made an accurate prediction since he supported Harold Stassen in the fifties......  Believe It Or Not?????

*.....Brett recently got a speeding ticket and hit a deer on the way home from his "honey's house".....  Believe It Or Not????   (Hey?  Didn't this happen to Tanner last year????  Anyone heard from Tanner recently??)

*  Dale recently sold Egghead.Com  for a $5,000 profit......He isn't an Egghead anymore....Believe It Or Not????

*  Barb and Gwen just picked up a new cocker spaniel puppy that looks just like the one they lost.  It's name is Liberty, because it was born on the 4th of July.....(it's been pissing all over the new wood floor)   Believe It Or Not????????

*  It was noticed that the Watson's hot tub had a large, mushy object floating in it that looked a lot like a small, wet Baby Ruth candy bar. It was quickly fished out.  (was Frisco nearby???)   Believe It Or Not?????????

*  Bill contributed  $100 to the Clinton defense fund last summer and is now trying to get it back.....Believe It Or Not!!!!

Todd And Tyler Play Last Game For BVU

* 11/12 This Saturday will be the last time the Tryon twins (sons of Jerry and Jerilyn) take to the playing field.  It's been quite a journey for both Todd and Tyler.  They have led the Beavers to their best team in years and years.   The last game will be against nationally ranked Central.  The Buena Vista Beavers are looking at a fine 7-3 record with a win over the Dutchmen.  Both Todd and Tyler have been starting wide receivers and are a big reason BV has turned it around.   It's not a coincidence that when the twins arrived, so did Buena Vista.  Good luck to both, the game starts at 1:00 p.m.

Believe It Or Not...............Or Is It Just A Full Moon?????

*......Brad decides to play golf.  He tees it up at the Sleepy Hollow golf course.  (miniature?) He hits a HOLE IN ONE !!!  Only problem is, there are NO witnesses. He wasn't playing with anyone and nobody saw it.  He walks to the green, drops his clubs, then runs and grabs some Japanese greenskeeper and drags him to the hole.  He asks the guy to be his witness, but the guy didn't see it. Brad shouts, " Look, you can't see my  footprints on the green, because I never stepped on it and the ball is in the hole." (there was dew on the green)  Brad offers to pay the guy, but so sorry, no see........... the guy could barely speak English....(Is this a Bill Clinton type tall tale or what?)... Believe It Or Not

*.....An unknown member of the family had a huge phone bill........Seems one of his kids found a 900 number he liked.......Believe It Or Not

*.....Dick has lost 25 lbs. since buying the George Foreman (the fat just drips out) grill........Believe It Or Not........ (Hey, that George is pretty svelt......isn't he?)

*.....At the Boone-Kuemper football game, the loud speaker announced some dumbo had lost a set of car keys........They were Janet's..........Believe It Or Not

*.....At Cheddar's restaurant in Des Moines, there was a very loud, screeching noise.  (Many thought that it was part of some Halloween stunt, banshee or werewolf cries or something)  Turned out it was Eric and Todd P dragging tables out to make room for Sherry (the expectant mother)......seems she didn't quite fit into the corner they put her in.  Management assured the other customers everything was OK.  Boy, was Sherry's face ever red....but did you know that before Dick bought the George Foreman grill this happened to HIM a half a dozen times .....Believe It Or Not

*.....Doug went up to Minnesota last week to campaign for Jesse (the body) Ventura's governor's race.....Believe It Or Not

*.....Sandy (GT's friend) is about ready to return the chocolate labrador puppy she bought from Randy's puppy mill.  Seems the dog acts arrogant, stubborn and refuses to obey.......just like a Tryon....Believe It Or Not

*.....Bill was one of the 16% to NOT vote for George Bush Jr. in the Texas governor's race...Believe It Or Not

*.....The Watsons came home a while ago to find their house had been Toilet Papered.  After cussing about it, they went in and discovered that the culprits had gotten into their house and used the Watson's OWN toilet paper!!  Warren was especially upset because the stores were closed, he had been eating heavy Mexican and needed a BM.  (he had to go to the school in one big hurry)  The culprits were sweet and innocent Julie and Shonna......Believe It Or Not

*.....Dick hit three, er.....four hole-in-ones this past summer........ (No witnesses)..........Believe It Or Not

Carroll Kuemper Defeats Boone 25-8

11/4 * In a hard fought contest, Kuemper defeated Boone 25-8.   Boone led at halftime 8-7, but the Carroll QB got hot and Boone had a TD called back.  It was a very, very cold night and the fans had a great time.  In attendance were, GT and Sandy, Dick-Barb-Gwen, Doug & Jodie, Danny-Donnie-David, Jerry & Jerilyn, Larry, Janet and probably some others I forgot.  Boone ends with a fine record with mostly a junior dominated team.  Good luck next year!! Special thanks to Jerry,Jerilyn and Janet for supplying the goodies and DBT for supply the grill !! (Doug brought his appetite)

Tailgate Before The Boone-Kuemper Game

*11/3 At the Northeast corner of the Boone football field parking lot, at 6:15 p.m.,  The Tryons will be gathering for a tailgate right before the state playoff game at Boone.  Jerry will supply the brats if you want any, you must e-mail him before noon, Wednesday.  Jerry and Janet will have vehicles there about six.  A grill will be set up, so bring your own if you want, but if you want a brat, e-mail your order to Jerry.  Sounds like a lot of fun.  Come join us!!

Tim & Kim Have A New Daughter....Natalie Alexis

* 11/3  Welcome to the world, a new Tryon, Natalie Alexis Tryon was born to Kim and Tim today at 8:30 a.m.  Everyone is excited, especially Grandma and Grandpa.  She came in full figured at 10 lbs and 20 3/4 inches.  Lots of dark hair and a wonderful smile.  The delivery was made at Mary Greeley hospital in Ames, Iowa.  Congratulations, this is number 3, if anyone is keeping track.  You must contact Nancy for the total count of great grandkids, I lost track a long time ago.

Big Bad Boone To Play Carroll Kuemper In Playoffs

*  10/31  Well, the old (and I emphasize old) silver fox has done it again.  Congratulations to Dale for another great football season.  We are all so very proud.  Dale has led the fighting Toreadors to the playoffs with a fine 7-2 record.  They will play Carroll Kuemper Wednesday night, 7:30 p.m. at Boone.  Dale was really happy to learn they would not go and play at Harlan (who beat Boone in the opener) and is really looking forward to the opportunity of playing a team that knocked Harlan off.  Good luck, hope to see some of you at the game.  It will be a tough one.

Jerry Is Elected To The Iowa Football Coaches Hall Of Fame

10/20*  Jerry has been elected to the Iowa Football Coaches Association Hall Of Fame by a vote of active members.  He will receive this very prestigious award at the half time of the Class 4A championship game on Friday night.  (I don't know the exact date yet)  He joins Dale and Larry, who both were inducted a couple of years ago.  It's been quite a journey from Pomeroy to Ballard to Alta to Jefferson to Ar-We-Va with a few other stops along the way.   Winning at every place he has coached, coaching his sons, putting up with assistants like Weaver and even having to tolerate Jerilyn coaching from the stands, yep, it been quite a journey.  Congratulations Jerry, we are all very proud !!   ........and I am sure the folks are too..........more details to come.

Texas Bill To Visit This Weekend.....

10/20*  Bill plans on visiting Iowa this weekend to enjoy the beautiful weather and football.  On Friday night he will attend the vitally important Boone vs Carroll game at Carroll.  Boone is rated 5th and Carroll 9th.   Should be a great one.  He will sit on Boone's side, on the South end of the bleachers and would love to meet anyone at Bloomers after the game.....

On Saturday Bill will go to the BV Homecoming and will be at Sportsman's (is that still standing?) in the A.M. to visit and watch the parade and go from there to the BV tailgate which is right at the east side of the field where you can buy a pork burger, chips and drink for $2.00.......(Larry may want to bring Spam sandwiches to save the $2).  Jerry says he can get as many free tickets as you want, but you must e-mail him (click here) before Noon on Friday!!!!! Sounds like a great time, to see Bill and cheer Todd (2 smooth) and Tyler (Rodney) and the other Beavers on to victory.

Hulsebus News (letter from Jim in Florida)

10/20 *
Dear Dick:

I thought you all might be interested  in some  Hulsebus's news.
Helen, Nancy and Jim are spending Oct 20-24 on a trip to the mid-Atlantic
states to see the change of season;  trip to the TRYON PALACE in New Bern, N.
Carolina;  Tryon, N. Carolina;  Dollywood;  and Atlanta.  Will update you
after the trip.
Also,  Jim and Nancy are going to Germany Dec. 3-10 to see the Munich
Christmas Shopping and Decorations,  with side trips to Vienna,Austria and the
Passion Play
( the official play is put on only once every 10 years --not this year)
AND  as of yesterday we sold our home (by ourselves in 1 yes 1 day) and bought
a Penthouse Condo overlooking Clearwater Bay.  It has 3200 sq.ft.  Its a
double condo and is hugh.  Has 4 bedrooms which will allow Helen to move in
with us when her health requires it. 
Helen is adjusting to Florida very well and is winning all the bridge clubs.
( she plays a minimum of 4 times a week and is in constant demand )
Also,  if you want to add the Hulsebus' to the birthday charts they are as
follows;
Helen--March 31     Nancy--June 12    Jim--April 6   Steve--Dec. 31  Tom--Nov.
3
My aren't I windy today.  See ya  cousin  Jim

Tailgate Is Planned At ISU Game

*10/8   A tailgate party is being hosted by Dale, Janet and others at 11:00 a.m. this Saturday at the ISU game vs Missouri.  Location will be on Beech Street (North-South road west of the stadium), look for Dale's blue van.  Dale and Janet will furnish brats and cold drinks.  Bring something if you wish, but you don't have to.  It will go from 11:00 a.m. till 12:15 p.m. so stop by and enjoy the company.  Dale guarantees an ISU victory and perfect weather.  It's straight WEST of the press box.   You can't miss it. See you there.  (Even Dick may get out of his leather recliner and go see GT get his big award as an outstanding alum.)

Tailgate At The Buena Vista Game

*10/1  Jerry and Jerilyn are going to host a tailgate at the BV game for anyone that is interested.  Starts at 12:00 p.m. at the south end by the lake.  Rumor has it that Dale and Janet will be there, along with Craig and Tammi.  Brats and Chips will be furnished.  Just show up and root for the Beavers.  Todd and Tyler should be playing against a tough Cornell team.

"I did NOT have relations with THAT woman......... Ms. Lewinsky....Ehh Paula, Ehh Gennifer, Ehhh Kathleen Willey, Ehh Miss America, Ehh Dolly...Ehhh......I did not ask anyone to lie.....I can not recall....I can not recall specifically....Depends what you mean by is.......Define alone......I did not inhale.......It's the worst economy in 50 years........The 80s were a decade of greed.........I've worked harder than anytime in my life.........It's a right wing conspiracy......"

Warren Goes From 4th To First In Baseball Picks

*9/30 In a furious surge, Watson takes a 4 game lead going into the playoffs.  Remember, all playoff games count.  The standings are from the regular season.  The Cub playoff victory over SF is not figured in yet and ALL other playoff games will count.   So it ain't over till it's over.  Big bucks await the winner.  (unless it's WW, then we will subtract all expenses and he might win some pop money) Top five will receive prize money and last place has been clinched by Donnie (last May) so he doesn't owe a thing.  Yankees set an all time record in number of wins!!!! (DBT chose the Orioles over NY)  Nancy, the world's BIGGEST Yankee fan, didn't even pick them.   Can you believe????  The Rookies are in the hunt, so it must take a lot of luck........

You Are Invited To Thanksgiving Day In Nevada

9/19 *  Dick, Barb & Gwen would like to invite any and all to celebrate Thanksgiving in Nevada, Iowa with us.  Just let us know, the more the merrier.  A big effort will be made to get Marge, Margaret, Maxine, Lucille and others to enjoy the holiday with us.  We realize that many will host their own families, but we would love to have as many as possible.  Dick (who has spent a lifetime mooching off others)  promises not to cook and we will guarantee clean dishes (Julie), big screen TV and a satelite dish to enjoy the football.  Just let us know if you will attend.  E-mail us. We all have a lot to be thankful for.

It Was A Tough Week..............

9/12 *  Pretty tough week.... our dog died.........Friday night, up in the press box at Ballard, I turned around and saw Barb and Gwen crying.  They had the news.   Little Kady Jo, our cocker spaniel, had just died at the ISU doggie hospital.   We took her there after spending every day last week at the Nevada Vet.  A week ago she was fine, but started having small problems.  By Friday a.m. she couldn't even stand.  They don't have a clue what she died of, she was 9.  It's been a tough week.  Gwen and Barb "adopted" Kady after other people had neglected her.  The Vet told me that Kady Jo had lived under a farmer's porch, had fleas and bites so bad it was almost life threatening and had lost her eye when a blind collie snapped at her.  Gwen & Barb nursed her and took care of her and gave her a lot of love, then I entered the picture.  They say your pets start taking on characteristics of their masters and I beamed with great pride as Kady over ate.....slept right in front of the TV........ liked her belly rubbed....... and spent most of her day just relaxing.   It was a tough week.  I realize that most of the family has gone through this experience before, it's our first.  Life will seem a little bare and a little empty without our little dog.  I know I won't be able to feel the moisture between my toes again as I realize I've just stepped barefoot on a little mess that Kady left in the middle of the night (just to remind me she's around).  Or the look on her face as we "shared" a pizza together (she was a master begger, just like Barb).  Or the nightly walks with Kady as she ran crooked (she had to see with that one eye) down the street with her big butt (another characteristic?) swaying back and forth.  It WAS a tough week..................

Football Results !!!!!

9/12 *  Brett caught two TD passes, one of 40 yards and the other of 50 as Elk Horn went to 2-0 by defeating Whiting (do they even have a school?) 62-26.  Rumor has it that Brett EVEN GOT A TACKLE, although some are saying that the ball carrier slipped while laughing so hard at Brett's breakdown tackling position.  8 man football seems to be a big success.  Doug, Jodie, Bruce, Donna, Julie and Brad were in attendance. Todd caught a long TD pass and Tyler led the Fighting Beavers to an overtime win over Upper Iowa last week.  Tyler's long catch set up the winning touchdown.  I am not sure either player could play for the Grunts.  Dale had a wonderful win over Webster City 40-0 despite having lost his QB for the season with a knee injury suffered last week in the Harlan game and the BIG news is ISU sticks Iowa 27-9 at Iowa City to end a 15 game losing streak to the Hawks.  Dick, Barb, Randy and Marjean were in attendance and boy, were Barb and Marjean obnoxious.  I can just hear Doug, Jodie, Dale, Janet, Julie, Brad and Nancy dancing and screaming with delight.  Great job, it's now a CYCLONE STATE. 

Hearts Will Be The Saturday After Thanksgiving

9/3 *  The official date of the Tryon Family Couples Hearts Tournament has been set.  Hopefully in plenty of time for as many as possible to show up and play.   Last year's champs, Donna and Bruce......Donna and Bruce?????? you kidding me????? will be the hosts.  The date is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  (that's November for you BV students) Hope as many as possible can attend.  Remember if you do, you always give the queen to Dale or Janet.  Tryon's Law!!!!

Todd & Erica To Wed Next August !!!!

8/31*  That's right, Too Smooth (Todd) and Erica plan to wed next August 14 or 15th.  They announced their wedding plans this past weekend.  Jerry and Jerilyn are still in shock as of Monday night.  Best wishes to the happy couple.  This is really exciting, I wonder who is next?????  Should we get a pool up????? How will this effect Todd's fantasy football team????  A distraction????? or is it a ploy to throw off the Grunts in the their opener???   Congratulations!!!!

Chad And Emily's Big Announcement !!!!!
Date Is June 26, 1999 @ Collegiate United Methodist Church In Ames.

8/30 *Congratulations are in order for Chad and Emily.   They announced their engagement over the weekend.  No wedding date has been set.  Donna and Bruce are pretty excited. (so is Julie) Super news. More details when this crack reporter has them........Dick Drudge, Ace News Investigator.

"Now, I wonder if Clinton had an affair with another intern, besides Monica????"  You heard it here first....... DD

Brad Is Traded To The NY Yankees AAA Team Columbus, Ohio

8/23 * Wow!!! There must have been Yankee scouts in the stands (besides Larry and Nancy) in Des Moines because Brad was just traded to the NY Yankees AAA farm club in Columbus, Ohio.  Brad and Julie are really excited about it.  "It's awesome", Brad shouted.  After his 6th year Brad will become a free agent.   The Yankees will have spring training in Florida instead of Arizona. He leaves tomorrow.  More news when we hear about it. Go Columbus !!!!

Brad Takes 3-1 Lead Into 7th, Gives Up 0 Earned Runs, Fans 8

8/15 *  Brad went into the 7th inning, gave up 0 earned runs and struck out 8 as the Las Vegas Stars dropped a 7-6 decision to the Iowa Cubs.  Hundreds of members of the Brad Kaufman (Kaufy) fan club cheered his every pitch.  The Tryons (over 60 of them) were out in full force to enjoy the wonderful weather and very exciting game.  With the usual clan in attendance, it was also great to see June and Peg, Scott and Shelly, Bobby and his wife, Merle and Jeanette, and many, many more.  TWO members of the family caught baseballs in the stands.  Eric received a standing ovation after he stabbed a vicious line drive that probably protected others who didn't see it coming and Dick battled the I-Cub catcher and grabbed one off of the dugout.  Julie estimated over 300 friends were in attendance and the TV people said 500!!!  What a great time everyone had.   Brad was ahead 3-1 when they took him out. It was a very exciting game with Iowa scoring 3 runs with 2 out in the 9th to win it.  The game was televised back to Las Vegas and Dick was able to tape it on his satellite.  If anyone wants a copy, let Dick or Barb know.  BOXSCORE

Another Bad Week For The Hatchery (That's 2 in a row)

8/15* It was a terrible week for the stock market investors.  Is it time for the bear market, many expect???  The Hatchery lost over $3,000 this week, with Engineering Animation going down over 8 1/2 points on Friday.   That scream you heard in Ames was not a woman in labor, but Dale's reaction, as Dale and Larry are big stockholders of the Ames based firm.  Dick still hasn't recovered from the General Motors strike and now DuPont is claiming how the heat wave has effected farmers.  Seeing an opportunity, last year's investor of the year, Jeff jumped in with the purchase of an HMO (PPH).  Barb and Randy actually gained for the week, as McDonalds and Excel appeared uneffected by the downturn.  Well, you can't lose, unless you sell, so I predict there will be a lot more saps buying in this apparent slide.

Believe It Or Not......

8/14*  Dale, Janet, Barb and Dick shot a 32 in the weekly Friday night couples league at Prairie View in Nevada.  This super human effort put them in first place, with about 15 other 4 person teams.  Obviously, it was 4 person best shot.   Dale claims that his shot was taken much more than anyone elses, but this is being disputed by the other three members.  Great fun!!

Family Vacationers Return

8/8*  Well, the Griswald (Chevy Chase movie) family is back from family vacation.  A beautiful week in sunny Minnesota or at least it was sunny until Nancy showed up.  Red Wing, Minnesota was the spot at Ray's Pagoda on the banks of the majestic Mississippi river.  Nancy/Warren's family stayed a week, Randy/Marjean's family a couple of days and even Larry & Jan were there for a day or two.  Big crowd and big fun prevailed.  A lot of books were read, Bocce ball was played, cards were also an attraction, as was hiking, swimming, fishing, story telling and lots of grilling.  Some highlights....

*  Randy caught a huge cat fish, then didn't know what to do with it.
*  Ray (Barb's dad) trapped a squirrel then prepared it for squirrel soup. (Not many takers)
*  Brett stepped in dog poop, then tracked it all over his bedding.
*  Larry & Dick cussed and cheered the stock market's up and down days.
*  Nancy "schemed" her way shopping ever single day.
*  Randy won and the rest lost at Treasure Island gambling casino. 
*  Brett and Tanner never could figure out how to play Bocce ball.  (the official game of Red Wing)
*  People went days without a shower or clean clothes. (Dick was asked to move downwind several times) (does he really own 3 yellow shirts?)
*  Beth and Gwen sewed quilts and relaxed in the sun.
*  Warren never did move much until it was dinner time.
*  The Shiloh boys made an excursion to Northfield to see the bank Jesse James robbed.
*  Nancy went 7 days without cooking, but had no problem eating more than her share of corn on the cob.
*  Macho men (Dick, Warren and Beth?) climbed the highest point in Minnesota (Barn Bluff) and saw a magnificent view of the town and river.  (It was difficult repelling down and we almost ran out of rope and grappling hooks)
*  Nancy's snorring was sooooooo bad, she had to sleep upstairs away from everyone.
*  Everyone agreed, it was some beautiful place to vacation.

Brad Pitches In Des Moines, Saturday, August 15th.

8/8 *  If the pitching rotation stays the same, no rainouts, Brad Kaufman is scheduled to come back home and take the mound against the Iowa Cubs.   Fresh off of a very good pitching performance this week, (10-9 record) he should take the mound Saturday night.  You are on your own for tickets, but a skybox is being looked into.  Sounds like great fun, try to make it if you can!!!

Verlon Britt Dies Unexpectedly In Elgin, Iowa....................
Funeral Is Friday @ Methodist Church 11:00 a.m. in Elgin.................

7/29 *  After riding horses with members of his family, Verlon Britt, youngest son of our adopted Aunt Margaret, went upstairs, laid down and passed away.  It might have been heart trouble, but it has not been confirmed.   He was a classmate of some of the older brothers and his Mom is a wonderful friend of the family.  Funeral services are not known at this time.  He and his family resided in Elgin, Iowa and services are expected to take place there.  More news as we are informed.  Please pray for the entire Britt family.  This information was supplied by Maxine.

Brad Wins Third Game In A Row

7/25 *  Brad won his third straight game with an outstanding 6-2 victory over Albuqueque.  He pitched 6 2/3 innings, gave up 2 runs and KOd 5.  Donna, Bruce and Julie were in attendance.  BOXSCORE

Mike Hulsebus & Family Are Online
7/23 *  Mike and his family (Perry, Iowa) have just purchased a new computer and have signed up with America Online.   Cousin Jim has helped Mike find the Tryon Home Page.  (It is NOT in any of the search engines, like Yahoo or Excite)  He asked to have his e-mail address on the Tryon Post Office.  Great!!   Our never ending circulation continues to grow.  Just remember, accuracy of this news report is a low priority with us.

20 1/2  (Golfers?) Tryons Participate In First Annual Tryon Shootout

7/20 *  100 degree heat could NOT stop them.  An index rating of over 115 (that's cool for Dallas) could NOT stop them.  A lack of a golf swing could NOT stop them as 20 and 1/2 (Cookie, Donnie's slobbering dog is the half) Tryons showed up to battle the elements in their effort to win the coveted, first annual Tryon Open Golf Championship.  The best scratch golfer was Todd, who shot a blistering 78, Lynn finished second (83) and Barb was third. (84)  The winner of the Men's handicap was David who shocked everyone (including himself) with a net 63 (87).  Barb was the women's handicap champion with a net 62 (84).  A great time for all who attended with some very memorable moments....

*  Todd (he later denied it) smashing the windshield of a moving truck with a wild fairway wood.  (and he was the winner?)
*  Nancy chasing after Warren's balls with her new "ball picker-upper suction cup".  Great fun on those long winter nights?
*  Dale splitting his shorts from crotch to crotch on the second hole and nobody telling him about it until he was prancing around the club house after 18.  (boy was Connie embarassed......but not Dale)
*  The big dogs (the four leading golfers at the turn) taking off their shirts to impress the ladies....Todd, Lynn, Donnie and Dick??? (who was the John Belushi look alike?)
*  Tanner never understanding what brand of ball he was playing, he would always just hit the first one he would find, no matter what fairway he was in.
*  Todd leaving his winning trophy behind in the club house that he had cussed and sweated for.
*  Danny shooting a 49, the same as his eighth grade son Aaron shot.
*  Randy losing his 7 iron and nobody ever finding it (did he throw it after a shot? did it hit that truck's windshield?)
*  Jerry bragging how "No women could ever beat me, not in a million years". (He shot a 91 and Barb shot an 84!!)
*   Donna never tiring (superior conditioning?) even in that awful heat, and begging to play more. (or was she delirious from heat exhaustion?)
*   Or Dick, while riding in Donnie's golf cart, having his leg constantly "licked" by Donnie's cocker spaniel and Donnie saying how it is great fun to put peanut butter on and let the dog lick it off...........geeeeeees, has this guy been a bachelor too long or what??? THANKS TO ALL FOR MAKING THIS SO MUCH FUN.

Brad Wins Second In A Row

7/20 *  It wasn't his best outing, that was last week's, but Brad evened his record to 7-7 with a hard fought victory over Salt Lake City.   If things stay on schedule, Brad will pitch in Des Moines on August 15th.   Make plans to cheer on the Stars!!!

BoxScore

The First Annual Tryon Open Is Monday, July 20th

The first annual Tryon Open golf tournament will be played this Monday, July 20th at the Carroll Munincipal Golf Course at 9:00 a.m. sharp.  Make sure you are there plenty early to get into a good foursome.  Prizes will be based on scratch golf and handicaps.  The handicaps will be determined by a panel of experts.  Green fees are $14 for 18 holes.  A motorized cart is extra, but you can split that cost with a partner.  Bring as many as you can, the more the merrier.  Prizes will also be given to closest to the pin, longest drive and longest putt for each nine holes plus other surprises.  Plan on a sandwich afterwards.  There is no rain date.   Hole-in-one Bill has promised to give an exhibition to us lesser golfers and will even give you a private lesson for a small fee.  Another great excuse to get together and have some fun.  If interested show up or contact Dick ahead of time.  Make sure you are there plenty early as they do not take tee times and we should have 3,4, or 5 foursomes. 

Donna Breaks Toe Right After The Fourth

7/9 *  Donna broke her toe, just a few days after serving as the official hostess of the July 4th celebration.  The big question is How did she do it?????  No one knows for sure, but a poll needs to be taken.  Possible answers..............

a)  She was chasing after Bruce when she stepped on her kimono and she fell over Bruce's Samurai sword.
b)  She was trying to get her "stars" twirling like Janet did on the 4th and then tripped and fell.
c)  She slipped on the wet dock when Captain Bruce gunned it to show off for the neighbors.
d)  She is just faking it to get out of cleaning the house.   (Remember the "illness" right after Sara's graduation and Bruce had to clean everything up?)
e)  She got stepped on by Nancy during a vicious game of "spoons".
f)  She broke it when she leaped into the air upon hearing the news that she is in 1st place in the Tryon Baseball Picks.

If you have any other possible explanations, please let me know.

Stork To Visit, But To Whom??????????

7/7 *  Well, according to Matt Drudge and the Drudge Report, another visit by the stork is expected, but who are the lucky couple??????? Place your guesses........

Tim & Kim (twins?) Nancy & Warren, Donnie & Dawn, Danny & Connie, Crystal & Darrell, Jeff & Jodie, Bill & Hillary, Randy & Marjean, Bill & Monica, Sherry & Todd, Shonna & Eric,  or Tanner & Katie.  Congratulations!!!!!

This was verified and confirmed over the Fourth at the lakes.    While the rest of you were feeding your faces, this reporter was ON THE JOB.   Say, doesn't this stork look a little worn out??????

Retraction............

7/6 *  Just like CNN, the Tryon Report has a retraction to make.  It seems we were a little premature in our journalistic reporting last week.  Our news leak was a little innacurate.   Seems Jeff did NOT catch the first pitch of the KC Royals game last week.  HE GOT IN A TRAFFIC JAM AND DIDN'T MAKE THE GAME ON TIME.  Now, that sounds like a sap to me.  A little embarassing?????   Just blame your wife Jeff, that's what most men would do.  Like CNN, we will blame the problem on our source, pat ourselves on the back for the courage to admit a mistake and go on doing what we want to anyway.  I'm sure our readers  will take everything we say as the whole truth and go on supporting us, because when all is said and done, there doesn't have to be any accountability, just good intentions.

The Tryon Family Quiz

What members of the Tryon family went on a second honeymoon to Niagara Falls this month?
Answer Is At The Bottom Of This Page.

Fourth Of July At The Lakes !!

7/6 *  Another GREAT time at the lakes on the Fourth.  Super job by our hosts, Donna and Bruce.  Special thanks to Janet for supplying the entertainment.  It was quite a site, seeing those stars spin!!!   Dicks wins at cards.  (Nothing new)  Warren ate the most.  (Nothing new) The girls beat Brett and Tanner in volleyball.  (Nothing new)  48 people attended the event and the weather was fantastic.  We even had people from as far away as China.  The best quote of the day........"My, your family always has so much fun together!!!" Lucille Tryon.  Even Uncle Don found the place, but Jerry said he saw him circling the lake at 9:30 a.m. that morning.  How many diets have started today?????? How many people ended up with Dale's computer????  Was it Nancy or Donna in the picture with Gaylord????

Jeff Throws (or catches) Opening Pitch Of KC Royals Game

6/30 *  Rapidly becoming a major celebratie in NW Missouri, our own Jeff (just back from the Kentucky Derby) was involved with the opening pitch of the Kansas City Royals/Chicago Cubs Interleague game.  What a thrill!!!  Why Jeff??????  Big donor to the Clinton campaign????  St. Joesph Chamber Of Commerce Businessman Of The Year????   Former benchpress champion of Tryon superstars??????  Connections to organized crime ?????  The Royals looking for new talent???????  Who knows? but this reporter will find out.....So what's next for Jeff and Jodie????  a night in the Lincoln bedroom?  (rumor has it GT has already done that)  The Indianapolis 500?.......An ISU football game where they really  win????....who knows.........but is he the first Tryon involved with a Royals game???  In the 70s, a Royals relief pitcher by the name of Doug Bird had just gotten  shelled and taken out of the game when a large bearded man (who looked a lot like Dick) started yelling at him from behind the Royals dugout. (they sold 50 cent Royals pitchers in those days)  Bird got so mad, he threw his glove at him!!!!  So instead of catching a ball, he caught a glove.......Believe It Or Not.............

Brad Lost To Tucson 4-2 On Sunday

6/30 *  Brad pitched very well for 5 innings, but in the 6th gave up 3 runs and lost 4-2. He struck out 5.
BOXSCORE

Danny, Connie & Aaron Are Online

6/27 *  Way up North, in Estherville, the newlyweds plus one are now online.  They would love to hear from people and their new e-mail address is "danigan@rconnect.com".  I believe a new Gateway computer was purchased.  (grandma's money?) As always, their new address is available on the Tryon Post Office.  (Just in time for fantasy football?)

Jeff Buys Lucent Tech. And Dick Buys Gap Inc.

6/25 *  Thanks to Grandma, Jeff (current Tryon Investor Of The Year) has purchased 17 shares of Lucent Tech.   This makes the Glidden Hatchery worth well over $30,000 and the market has recovered nicely since last week's debacle.  Dick is investing in Gap Inc., it   is the maker of Banana Republic clothes.  It would take a real sap to invest in a teenage clothing store chain, but Gap does rhyme with sap.

Former Glidden Athlete Dies Of Heart Attack

6/20 *  Bruce Hazelton a former Glidden athlete and teammate of some of the older brothers and Hulsebus boys died of an apparent heart attack last week.  If interested in more details, contact Dale.  He played in the early 50s and was an outstanding athlete for Glidden High.

50 Years Ago This Week !!
6/19 *  June 17, 1948

Tryon chickens lay fairly large eggs:Gust Johnson brought to the Graphic
office Wednesday, a real Leghorn egg.  It was laid by a White Leghorn
hen Tuesday, and measured 7 1/2 by 8 1/2 inches, and was apparently  a
single yolk egg.  The hen was one from a flock purchased last year from
the Glidden Hatchery.  The hatchery doesn't guarantee their hens to keep
up with this record, however.  (this appeared in the Glidden Graphic this week)

Brad Defeats New Orleans 10-4

6/18 *  With Julie in attendance, Brad Kaufman picked up win #4 for the Las Vegas Stars in a 10-4 cakewalk over New Orleans.  Brad pitched 6 innings and struckout 6 and even went 1/3 from the plate!  Both Julie and Brad plan on driving their car from Mobile to Vegas. BOXSCORE.

Texas Bill Shoots Hole In One

6/16 *  10:00 a.m. in an unknown suburb of Dallas, Texas.  Wild Bill fired the first hole in one in the history of the Tryon family. (as far as I know)  It was hole #9, a 137 yd. par three, he hit a 7 iron.   It was during a tournament.  Bill went on to shoot a 33 for the first nine and a 37 for the second nine.  Wow!!  No, this wasn't a miniature golf course.   Par was 35.  Now this is the same guy who we carried around the Carroll golf course last summer.  Bill proclaims He Is Back and can't wait to kick butt when he comes back this summer.  Yea, we've heard that one before, just like his card playing.

Family Auction Was A Big Success

6/17 *  The Tryon Family Auction was a big hit.  Thanks to all who worked (and played cards) to get this thing off the ground.   It was tough, but exciting to see everything go.  Most would agree it is quite a relief to get it over with.  Special thanks to Sandy for the "mugs", they are wonderful.  Barb's arm was sore the next day because of all of the bidding she did.  Does anyone know of a good therapist?  Barb is interested.  Dale's pop cooler was accidentaly sold off. Julie bought an "antique" skate board, but she had to outbid Donnie for it.  The Watsons were last seen hack sawing the wind mill from it's cement base.  Tanner is still moving the same lumber (For the third time this week) back to Nielson's. The land fill is looking for Randy's pickup, something about dangerous chemicals.  Everything went, including the deer out front.  I had more people comment on how they loved to look at the deer as they drove by.  Barb is thinking about starting her own craft store (she bought so many), she even ended up with CL's patented, white peg board display.  It was great seeing Mary Jane, Sandy, & Debbie, they sure made a big effort to be there and I think they all spent a lot of money.  In fact, it was great having all of the relatives, they sure helped to bid up items. (how much for that picnic table? music stand? salt/pepper shakers?)  The best thing, however, was the way our family really pulled together to organize the sale. Many people expressed how smooth it went and what a big job it was.   Nice going, pat yourselves on the back.  I am sure CL and Dort are very proud.

Stocks Go South To Start The Week

6/17 *  Black Monday hit with a vengence as the Market took a major dip.  Barb lost nearly $1200 in one day (not including the family auction) as Excel was bought out by a Canadian company.  General Motors (Dick) is going through a major strike and the Japanese economy is in a recession.  Despite all of this bad news, there was a rebound on Tuesday and the Glidden Hatchery is now over $30,000.  Danny declared some more stock and a few others are getting ready to buy.

Janet Knocks Dale's Golf Ball Into The Lake

6/7 *  Dale just bought a brand new, deluxe, ultra-long, uncuttable golf ball at the expensive Nevada pro shop.  He paid $4.50 for this one super ball.   He was bragging that it was the lastest thing and all the pros were using it.   He was playing in a couple's golf league and it was best ball, with Janet as his partner.  On the very  first hole, Janet gets up and whacked her ball into the lake.  Dale cusses, then gets up and notices that it wasn't her ball that went in the lake, it was his BRAND NEW ball.  Poor Janet had hit his by mistake. Dale never got to even hit his new ball once.  There went $4.50 right in the drink.  Earlier, Janet had hit a wonderful shot on the green, when a big black dog saw it and picked it up and took off with it, with Janet chasing after him.  That's a first.  We gave her a two stroke penalty for lost ball. 

Brett Is Named Iowa AAU Basketball Player Of The Year !!!