You Know You Are A Sap Ass When...........
While trying to raise 10 "ornery" kids, sometimes CL would get our attention by using the phrase "sap ass", it became a term of affection and for some of us, it was and is, a badge of honor. It has led to many a good story.
* You know you are a sap ass when you tie a rope around your waist and then lasso a moving car. (Bill)
* You know you are a sap ass when you give a gas attendent a fifty dollar bill and forget to get the change, then drive off with the pump still attached to your car and then hours later have the gall to go back and ask for your change back. (Jerry)
* You know you are a sap ass when you lock the keys in your car , TWICE in the same week. (Doug)
* You must be a sap ass if you give your next door neighbor (Gerty Chase) In Defiance a May basket that is half full of chicken shit and the other half filled with popcorn. Then you and Ray stand outside behind a bush and watch her eat it through the window. It took her about 5 minutes to get past the popcorn. And the rest came flying out the front door. (Bill)
* You must be a sap ass when Homer John Christenson rides his horse in to town and asked if you want a ride. Of course he has no saddle on the horse. You get on and put your arms around Homer John, about this time Dale gets mad and throws a rock at the horse and hits him on the butt. The horse takes off and you hold on until you get to the corner where the stop sign is. The horse can't read so he doesn't stop. He goes through the intersection at about the same time that a farmer on his tractor was pulling a rake through. The horse runs right smack into the rake and you fly over Homer John and the rake and land on your elbows. It shakes you up but not as much as when you get home and Dad visits the tree to remove the last branch. (Bill)
* You know you're a sap ass when the first time you ever skied you go to the very top of a mountain in Colorado (no bunny hills for this guy) and you try to ski down. Falling 100s of times, it take four hours to get down and you would still be there if not for the patience of Janet and Bev. (Dickie B)
* You know you're a sap ass when CL asks you to put your finger into the mouth of the "toy soldier" nutcracker. (Steve) (boy, talk about a jumbo pinch!)
* You know you're a sap ass when... while fishing on a boat loaded with family members you ask, " where did my bobber go?" (Debbie)
* You know you are a sap ass when you and your friends put a cow on the roof of the Glidden High School building. (???????)
* You know you are a sap ass when you go to the "out house" taking along your brand new Christmas present, a red truck. You set it down next to you while you are doing your duty and then OOOOPPPPS, it roles down into the hole next to you!!!! (Ray) (that was the end of that present)
* You know you are a sap ass when you let the kids play on top of the feed sacks at the hatchery with their shoes on and then notice all of the feed pouring out on the floor of the ripped sacks a few days later. (Ray)
* You know you are a sap ass when you win the "Delbert" award for your gymnastics display of jumping off of the barge at Mark Twain Lake, first prize was a large "NUT", a coconut head. (Terry )
* You know you are a sap ass when you give your husband a "gutbuster" for his birthday. (Donna)
* You know you are a sap ass when you and your buddies sneak out on an icy winter night and "attach" yourselve to moving cars with your sleds, forming a human chain behind the cars. Great fun until the car turns a corner! (the Tryon and Hulsebus boys)
* You know you are a sap ass when you staple your thumb to the table with a high powered staple machine while making "chicken boxes". (Larry)
* You know you are a sap ass when you play hide and seek with Randy, you hide under the bed, and he runs and jumps on top of the bed, breaking it, and squashing you! (Danny) (it took how many stitches?)
* You know you are a sap ass when you went out and chased geese at night, ran through the mud and the water, caught a couple, only to find out they were TAME geese! (Dale and Jim Hulsebus) The farmer was PO'ed!
* You know you are a sap ass when you buy your wife a nifty Mother's day card, only to find out it was the same one you bought last year! (Dick)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put your fist through a wall and forgot to locate the studs. (Donnie)
* You know you are a sap ass when you get caught turning CL's watch ahead, just to get out of farm work. (Dale)
* You know you are a sap ass when you "mount" a pony that weighs less than you do, the pony gives way and falls on you, crushing your leg!!!! (Warren the cowboy)
* You know you are a sap ass when right after being told NOT to go swimming in the river, CL catches you swimming in the nude......boy, did that switch hurt......(Ray, Bill, Dale, Gaylord)
* You know you are a sap ass when you get up at 4:00 a.m. to catch 500 chickens, in the dark, coughing on the chicken dust, giving them to CL and then you watch as he looks at each one and then lets them loose. (Larry, the Carroll County Chicken Catcher, and he's still wheezing!)
* You know you are a sap ass when you show off in front of your older brothers by throwing a ball into the air (crooked) , swinging with all of your might, and hitting your little brother right between the eyes with the bat !!(Dick) (and Randy has never been the same since)
* You know you are a sap ass when, on the 4th of July, you try to kill the woodpecker that lives in the dead tree in the back, by dropping an M80 firecracker down it's hole. (Dick and Randy) (the fire lasted for days)
* You know you are a sap ass when you shoot a water balloon 100s of feet into the air with a huge rubber band sling shot, trying to catch it in front of your friends, then the balloon hits you on the head and knocks you out! (Donnie)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put diesel fuel in your brand new Monte Carlo. (Dick)
* You know you are a sap ass when you and your best friend start shooting arrows at each other on the football field at night. (Dale)
* You know you are a sap ass when after shopping in Carroll, you hurry to your car where your husband is waiting for you, only when you climb in, you find that it isn't your husband and it isn't your car. (Dorothy)
* You know you are a sap ass when, while playing (taxi), you start the car and it flys through the closed garage door. (Randy)
* You know you are a sap ass when you saw off the tree limb that was supporting you. (Bruce)
* You know you are a sap ass when there is only 6 feet between a snow plow and a hugh snow drift and you try to speed your 8 ft. wide van through it. (Randy)
* You know you are a sap ass when you pick the Chicago Cubs in the Tryon Baseball Picks. (Brett)
* You know you are a sap ass when you start your truck on a cold winter day, then discover 6 hours later that you forgot to turn it off. (Bruce)
* You know you are a sap ass when you jump into the back seat of someone who just got married and they take you on their honeymoon. (Ray)
* You know you are a sap ass when, while trying to get your car unstuck, you fill the inside of your car with mud, snow and slush, because you opened the driver's side door to see how it was going. (Dick)
* You know you are a sap ass when you ask your neighbor if the Tryons could use your pool this afternoon. (Doug/Jodie) (just Dick, Barb, Gwen, Nancy, Warren, Brett, Beth, Doug, Jodie, Julie and Danny in a pool the size of a horse tank playing a very spirited game of water volleyball)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put thousands of dollars into a business deal and Donnie and David are your partners. (Danny)
* You know you are a sap ass when you go to Gettysburg and buy "authenic?" battlefield bullets for 5 cents each. (Larry)
* You know you are a sap ass when your first pay check means you owe money because you ate too much food during your breaks. (Tanner)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put your glasses on the floor for safety and Randy and Tanner are your motel mates. (Dale)
* You know you are a sap ass when you take your conservative, Christian parents out to a movie and it is Blazing Saddles. (Dick) (I don't think they really enjoyed the campfire scene)
* You know you are a sap ass when you buy farm land and there are sacks of baseball cards in the deal. (JJ, LT, Dale)
* You know you are a sap ass when you boast how far you are going to drive the golf ball and then end up on the seat of your pants. (CL)
* You know you are a sap ass when you have your fantasy basketball team drop Grant Hill and pick up Robert Parish. (Warren)
* You know you are a sap ass when you jump off of Van Horn's loft and end up having a hernia. (Jack) (or did Tom push him?)
* You know you are a sap ass when you serve breakfast to your guests out of a dishwasher that was NOT turned on the night before. (Dick)
* You know you are a sap ass when you make your son eat his cooked carrots (DBT) and he then shows YOU by barfing them all over the dining room floor. (Dort/CL)
* You know you are a sap ass when you have a pillow fight and end up going to the doctor because of a feather in your eye. (Randy)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put the same Elmer Fudd hunting hat back into the Tryon Xmas grab back for the third consecutive year. (Larry)
* You know you are a sap ass when, during a baseball card show, your son goes under the table and takes a permanent black marker and draws pictures on the tennis shoes of your customer. (Randy)
* You know you are a sap ass when you discover (after finishing a large Big Gulp) that the Shiloh Boys plan NO RESTROOM stops between Iowa and Pennsylvania. (Brett)
* You know you are a sap ass when you put swim fins in the Tryon Xmas grab bag and Ray picks them out. (Dick) (Ray put an expensive watch in)